This week has been a week. I have a cold that has completely decreased my appetite and energy. Dayquil, 8-10 hours of sleep, saltine crackers, and lots of tea are ventilating my existence. I've lost six pounds which I'd normally be thrilled about, but I don't think this is a recommended weight loss plan. This …
Tag: anxiety
What If
On Wednesday last week, Katie's hormone dose was doubled and her doctor prescribed testosterone blockers. The rate at which Katie will feminize physically is going to get faster and I'm terrified. As Katie and I lay in bed on Sunday, reflecting on our weekend, a familiar stream of consciousness brought me to tears. What if I …
Emotional Labor and Wearing Glasses
Part of our lives over the past few months has been learning how to redefine the simple structures of running our household. Pre-outing, I took on the burdens of emotional labor without second thought that maybe those burdens didn't need to be entirely mine. I've always told myself that Katie and I have "different standards …
Is it Friday?
In my last post, I talked about how I couldn't get off the couch after realizing Katie would be starting hormones soon. I know, I know. How could I not know she would start hormones? It's not so much that I didn't know, but how I chose to acknowledge this step of the process. As …
Dysphoria and Swimsuit Season
Dysphoria is a new word for me. I even just double-checked the spelling in Google because I'm not used to it. It is essentially defined as extreme discomfort. Gender Dysphoria, by default, is extreme discomfort as a result of the gender or sex you are assigned at birth. I believe where most people do not …
The Wave
I am sitting by the pool at a table for two, but the chair across from me is empty. As I look out at the ocean, I hear laughter and pool splashes and the flutter of enjoyment only experienced when paying for the luxury of a hotel room with a pool by the ocean. The …
Am I a lesbian?
In the past 2 weeks, I've begun the laborious task of telling my coworkers about Katie. It's a complicated process, as these are people I work with and this is a conversation that doesn't have a space in the workplace. So how do I do it? After a conference call ends, stand in front of …
Red Lips
I am asked frequently by those who care about me how I'm doing. I never know what to tell them. I've actually started sending them a link to this blog because it helps explain a small glimmer of what I'm going through. That said, if I were ever going to epitomize this experience through one …
"T" is for Trans 