On September 9, 2017 I woke up hungover. I had been out the night before with friends until an hour that was later than preferred. Gin and soda with lime: so wonderful in the moment and so awful the next day. Kyle went to get me a breakfast sandwich from Starbucks, a routine that I …
The Love Story
Before this last week, my most recent memory telling a story which caused someone to cry was when Katie and I broke up. As we sat in therapy and I asked the question that ended our relationship, our therapist cried. I saw her wipe tears from her face. It was a human moment, a palpable …
177 Days Later
It has been 177 days since my last blog post. It's odd looking at this blog now, at the person I was 6 months ago as compared to the person I understand myself to be now. You want an update on my life? Actually, maybe you don't. Regardless, here are the highlights: I stayed with …
The End
I can say in full sincerity 2019 is the hardest year I’ve ever had. I thought the year Katie came out was difficult. I thought I knew struggle. As I turned toward learning about Katie’s depression, wading knee-deep in the murky headwinds of uncertainty, I’ve discovered more about myself and what I’m capable of. I …
Seen
Sometimes I read an article like When Your Spouse Comes Out as Transgender and have a moment of feeling incredibly seen. This article is everything. Thank you Antoinette Cavitt for writing so eloquently about this unique, shared experience. I cried while reading it and am so glad there are others in the world who get it.
Tarot
Katie recently purchased a Tarot deck in hopes of learning a new skill. If I do say so myself, she's getting better at it, although still struggles to attribute specific meaning to the cards as described. Someone more familiar with the art mentioned she learned how to read Tarot by pulling a card each day …
On the Basis of Sex
This morning I had an aggressive workout followed by crying. Sometimes I forgot how far we have to go to achieve equality and this morning's episode of The Daily is a strong reminder. The language the justices use, the focus on bathrooms (not an issue addressed anywhere in this case), the binary construction of gender: …
Dear SNL
I actually tried to send this, but there is a 500 character limit in the feedback allowed to NBC about SNL. So I'll just leave this here. Dear SNL, My name is Natalie and I have concerns about your most recent Weekend Update. I’ve tried writing this message many times, but am failing to find …
Gratitude Journal
Caregiver fatigue for the spouse supporting the one who has depression is real. I've been trying to find a new therapist since I stopped seeing mine due to a new job location making the commute inconvenient. In truth, I've tried to reach my therapist again to no success, which is really a struggle for me …
Love Lives Here – A Gratitude Post
The moment I saw Amanda Jetté Knox was publishing a book, I ordered it. I knew without a doubt I needed to read what she was willing to disclose about her story. As I read the words to myself and sometimes aloud to Katie, tears fell on the pages. The remarkable candor and raw emotion …
Hope
I talked to my dad tonight and he mentioned the smile seen in my pictures of Katie seems more authentic and alive. I totally agree. Antidepressants + Katie = working. For the first time in a long time, I can see more than a few days ahead of myself.
Two Year Traniversary
This morning at 8:22am I texted my wife to wish her a Happy Tranniversary. Two years ago our lives changed as she stepped out of the shadows. It’s humbling to think about how much has happened in consideration of how little time has passed. It’s also tremendous to realize how long some of these days …
Juggle
I haven't written much. In general, I'm having a terrible time which makes writing about my life and my transition feel complicated. To describe the precarious juggle I am barely maintaining between school, work, my relationship, and my own emotional revelations in therapy would be to write my best selling novel. I can't right now, …
Contact Photo
The photo for Katie in my phone was from this moment when we first lived together. I came home and found Katie making dinner, kitchen overwhelmed with dishes everywhere because that's how she does anything - like a tornado. She looked at me, grabbed the baguette and mimicked playing air guitar. Our kitchen in that …
Panic Attack
Katie is currently laying on the floor listening to a meditative Yoga Nidra video in the middle of a panic attack. Our Vespa was knocked over last week, a fun surprise Katie upon seeing it on the pavement laying down with dents in it. Fortunately it looks like cosmetic damage, but it's still annoying. Another "fortunately" …
Where is that ‘thick skin’?
Yesterday, I had a coffee meeting with an individual who does not work for my company, but whom I work with. During this meeting, this person stated, “I looked at your profile and saw you’re LGBT. Tell me about that.” It was towards the end of my day, the end of our meeting and my …
"T" is for Trans 