This morning I had an aggressive workout followed by crying. Sometimes I forgot how far we have to go to achieve equality and this morning's episode of The Daily is a strong reminder. The language the justices use, the focus on bathrooms (not an issue addressed anywhere in this case), the binary construction of gender: …
Tag: MtF
Be the Brick
I'm still writing this paper about transgender relationships (it's my final paper for my Writing class, so it's a quarter-long project). I'll be sure to post my reference list for all of you. To find any research at all about the partners of transgender people is validating. I feel connected to others in this small …
Dreams
Today, the thought occurred to me that my dreams about Katie are always with the version of her I knew as Kyle. I don't really know what more to say about that, except the immediate devastation I felt upon realizing it caused me to pause making my lunch, sit on the floor of our kitchen …
Together or Separate?
I love when it snows. I love the change in routine, the shared annoyance with the neighbors whom I’ve never met. I know all the reasons to dislike it, the interruption to commute, the inability to get things delivered or find the groceries I prefer, the lack of reliability on the bus schedule. Yet, I …
Ariel
Katie is 6 foot, 1 inches tall. Her height was the first thing I noticed about her when we met. How could I not? She towers a whole 6 inches above me. The second thing I noticed? Her voice. She has this deep voice that took me by surprise. It's soothing, smooth, and in control. …
Tuesdays with Mourning
On Tuesday, I made good time getting home despite rain causing people to drive like idiots. Sometimes I wonder if people are actually bad drivers or if it is somehow our cultural assumption that all other drivers are bad, but we are great! I was in this thought process in my car when NPR let …
Why did I stay?
I was recently asked by someone newly on the "I was just informed by my partner they are transgender" journey a question I had completely forgot about asking myself at the beginning of mine: Why did you stay? This question is so complicated and, after a lot of thought and consideration, unanswerable in any sort …
Fall Back
Today, I had a robust schedule for myself. It’s not a holiday, but I have to say the day we Fall Back is always my favorite. An extra hour of sleep, an extra hour of quiet in the morning without anyone awake. This morning was no different. I woke, made coffee, watched several episodes of …
Vulnerability
Before writing this post, I considered whether I wanted to write it at all. I was on my way home from work, a podcast playing, but my thoughts distracting me from actually listening. You see, Katie and I have had a rough few weeks. Sometimes I think it’s the hardest few weeks we’ve ever had, …
Suicide
This past week has been a very trans-focused week. I had the wonderful opportunity with the support of my employer to attend the 2018 Out and Equal Workplace Summit. I attended seminars from Tuesday to Thursday focused on transgender issues in the workplace. Topics ranged from the good and bad of medical care globally, transition …
A Plan is Born
This week has been a week. I have a cold that has completely decreased my appetite and energy. Dayquil, 8-10 hours of sleep, saltine crackers, and lots of tea are ventilating my existence. I've lost six pounds which I'd normally be thrilled about, but I don't think this is a recommended weight loss plan. This …
Walking through the Woods
Today feels very strange. It’s our 3-year wedding anniversary, a day most people celebrate. I married Kyle, not Katie. Although I see Katie in the images from our wedding now, the smiles in the photos, the laughter and the joy, are tainted. Dysphoria spilled coffee on our images together and time has altered them from …
This Post is for Katie
This blog is about my perspective as the wife of a transgender woman watching the early stages of their spouse’s transition. I chose to write because I needed an outlet for this energy, the emotional output that has drained me over the last year, replacing my blood with new cells, regenerating my identity. I also …
Name Changes and Cher
I'm going to start this post by discussing the word "Guys" because I really wanted to start my post by saying "Guys! We bought a Vespa!", but I realized that it's probably not appropriate to do so. There is a point to which I wonder how I can really offend people by addressing them by …
Mercury in Retrograde
Katie and I were off this weekend. I was off. I referred to her several times by the wrong gender, even said Kyle at one point which hasn’t been my habit. I had a friend in town and I mentioned directly to this friend that maybe it's because I was with someone (my friend) who …
