Today, I had a robust schedule for myself. It’s not a holiday, but I have to say the day we Fall Back is always my favorite. An extra hour of sleep, an extra hour of quiet in the morning without anyone awake. This morning was no different. I woke, made coffee, watched several episodes of Boy Meets World, did more research for our Europe list, submitted a grocery delivery order all before 9am. There are times where Katie not being a morning person is entirely to my benefit. I like the time to myself, the quiet.

I woke Katie, so we could get breakfast and go to the Ballard Farmer’s Market. I was craving the only kind of breakfast a place like Salmon Bay Café can provide: perfectly prepared scrambles and a mimosa. Classic. While mulling over the menu, an older couple was seated at the table next to ours. They were adorable, at least 70 years old and the kind of couple that looked like they had been coming to Salmon Bay for years. The server knew them, provided the extra napkins requested which were then used to line the table in front of each diner as if a placemat. As they requested an autograph from their server, a play seemingly acted several times before, I looked at Katie and commented about how adorable they were. Katie looked up from her plate of food and over at them, seeing them for the first time. Before she could affirm my observation, I blurted, “they are the couple I always thought we’d be.”

We sat in silence for at least a minute, looking at each other, processing the meaning of that phrase. They are the couple I always thought we’d be. I haven’t had a thought like that in a long time. Tears fell down my face and I tried my best to wipe them away before anyone would notice. I haven’t missed the fantasy of my future with Kyle in a long time and the sentiments embodied in those 9 words felt foreign and heartbreaking for me. Katie asked me if I needed anything, but I didn’t know what to tell her. I didn’t know what I needed. We continued to eat in silence, me wiping tears away before they could fall down my face, conversing with the waiter casually as if nothing was wrong. They are the couple I always thought we’d be. Where did that sentiment even come from? Katie broke the awkwardness by asking me if I wanted to hear a joke. My cheeks feeling flushed, I told her yes, she obliged, and we moved forward with our day.

Some days we fall back in more ways than one. Maybe I can emotionally spring ahead tomorrow.