This morning I had an aggressive workout followed by crying. Sometimes I forgot how far we have to go to achieve equality and this morning's episode of The Daily is a strong reminder. The language the justices use, the focus on bathrooms (not an issue addressed anywhere in this case), the binary construction of gender: …
Tag: Transition
Contact Photo
The photo for Katie in my phone was from this moment when we first lived together. I came home and found Katie making dinner, kitchen overwhelmed with dishes everywhere because that's how she does anything - like a tornado. She looked at me, grabbed the baguette and mimicked playing air guitar. Our kitchen in that …
4/20
Five years ago today, Katie asked me to marry her. As I look through our engagement photos, their luster seems dulled, clouded in the reality of who my wife in them really was at the time. In retrospect, we were so happy sharing the mutual discomfort of being professionally photographed. But were we really happy? It's …
Lost in Transition
Buckle-up – this is a long one: I’ve been insistent for months that I can’t have a conversation about bottom surgeryGender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) vaginoplasty until Katie had done the research. We kept going around and around in the beginning of the transition. Katie knew early on she wanted Thailand. The surgeon, the reputation, the …
Dreams
Today, the thought occurred to me that my dreams about Katie are always with the version of her I knew as Kyle. I don't really know what more to say about that, except the immediate devastation I felt upon realizing it caused me to pause making my lunch, sit on the floor of our kitchen …
Dead-Name
Last Tuesday, Katie had one of those days at work that can only happen when you're a transgender person and new at your job. You know those? No? Well, you probably know what it feels like to be new at your job and have something escalated you don't know how to fix therefore causing a …
Tuesdays with Mourning
On Tuesday, I made good time getting home despite rain causing people to drive like idiots. Sometimes I wonder if people are actually bad drivers or if it is somehow our cultural assumption that all other drivers are bad, but we are great! I was in this thought process in my car when NPR let …
Why did I stay?
I was recently asked by someone newly on the "I was just informed by my partner they are transgender" journey a question I had completely forgot about asking myself at the beginning of mine: Why did you stay? This question is so complicated and, after a lot of thought and consideration, unanswerable in any sort …
Out, out brief candle!
Yesterday, in my Timehop, a selfie of Katie from last year came up. It's dark, she's in an Uber and her lips are red. It was the first time she went to support group fully dressed. At that point in my transition, I wasn't able to go with her, I wasn't ready. I was so …
Fleeting
We spent much of yesterday doing the adult things we now have to make time for because hangovers are real and I like 8 hours of sleep: chores. My life has been a mess the past 2 months, a fact I’d been reminded of when I walked in the door to our apartment and was …
Chico is My Hometown
I’m was born in Paradise, CA and raised in Chico, CA. Last night I dreamt that I had to decide between 1 of 4 pugs to save from the fires. The first pug was perfectly healthy, a show-worthy pug, an adorable specimen, healthy and whole. The second one was missing an eye and at least …
Fall Back
Today, I had a robust schedule for myself. It’s not a holiday, but I have to say the day we Fall Back is always my favorite. An extra hour of sleep, an extra hour of quiet in the morning without anyone awake. This morning was no different. I woke, made coffee, watched several episodes of …
Caitlyn Jenner
I never watched the episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians when Caitlyn Jenner came out. At the time, I felt like they were exploitive of a family and a person in a lot of pain. I know that they all signed up for the life they have, but I still felt strange being part …
We Will Not Be Erased
I have always believed in the fundamental value of human rights and equality for all people. All throughout my education, I have studied and gravitated toward topics that explore how mankind comes to harm others, how we repeat acts of othering groups of people to the point of depriving them of civil liberties, access to …
Vulnerability
Before writing this post, I considered whether I wanted to write it at all. I was on my way home from work, a podcast playing, but my thoughts distracting me from actually listening. You see, Katie and I have had a rough few weeks. Sometimes I think it’s the hardest few weeks we’ve ever had, …
"T" is for Trans 