I can't really identify how I feel about what happened to Jussie Smollett. I'm angry. Confused. Guilty. I can't believe I live in a world like this, with people who are so ignorant and hateful. If there is a positive, it's that people are seeing a darkness that rarely gets experienced by those with privilege. …
Author: "T" is for Trans
Tuesdays with Mourning
On Tuesday, I made good time getting home despite rain causing people to drive like idiots. Sometimes I wonder if people are actually bad drivers or if it is somehow our cultural assumption that all other drivers are bad, but we are great! I was in this thought process in my car when NPR let …
Why did I stay?
I was recently asked by someone newly on the "I was just informed by my partner they are transgender" journey a question I had completely forgot about asking myself at the beginning of mine: Why did you stay? This question is so complicated and, after a lot of thought and consideration, unanswerable in any sort …
Out, out brief candle!
Yesterday, in my Timehop, a selfie of Katie from last year came up. It's dark, she's in an Uber and her lips are red. It was the first time she went to support group fully dressed. At that point in my transition, I wasn't able to go with her, I wasn't ready. I was so …
Fleeting
We spent much of yesterday doing the adult things we now have to make time for because hangovers are real and I like 8 hours of sleep: chores. My life has been a mess the past 2 months, a fact I’d been reminded of when I walked in the door to our apartment and was …
Happy Birthday
Today, this blog is one years old. If it were a baby, we’d have baked a cake, taken pictures of the blog eating the cake with its hands, and then posted the pictures with some sort of boasting statement about how our blog is cuter than all the other kids. It has been one year …
Chico is My Hometown
I’m was born in Paradise, CA and raised in Chico, CA. Last night I dreamt that I had to decide between 1 of 4 pugs to save from the fires. The first pug was perfectly healthy, a show-worthy pug, an adorable specimen, healthy and whole. The second one was missing an eye and at least …
Fall Back
Today, I had a robust schedule for myself. It’s not a holiday, but I have to say the day we Fall Back is always my favorite. An extra hour of sleep, an extra hour of quiet in the morning without anyone awake. This morning was no different. I woke, made coffee, watched several episodes of …
Caitlyn Jenner
I never watched the episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians when Caitlyn Jenner came out. At the time, I felt like they were exploitive of a family and a person in a lot of pain. I know that they all signed up for the life they have, but I still felt strange being part …
We Will Not Be Erased
I have always believed in the fundamental value of human rights and equality for all people. All throughout my education, I have studied and gravitated toward topics that explore how mankind comes to harm others, how we repeat acts of othering groups of people to the point of depriving them of civil liberties, access to …
Vulnerability
Before writing this post, I considered whether I wanted to write it at all. I was on my way home from work, a podcast playing, but my thoughts distracting me from actually listening. You see, Katie and I have had a rough few weeks. Sometimes I think it’s the hardest few weeks we’ve ever had, …
Suicide
This past week has been a very trans-focused week. I had the wonderful opportunity with the support of my employer to attend the 2018 Out and Equal Workplace Summit. I attended seminars from Tuesday to Thursday focused on transgender issues in the workplace. Topics ranged from the good and bad of medical care globally, transition …
Fury
I am really struggling to accept that I live in a nation where a woman must prove she was assaulted to be taken seriously, where it's possible a man can handle the accusation of assault as they did in yesterday's hearing. Simultaneously, while all of this is going on, I still have to advocate that …
A Plan is Born
This week has been a week. I have a cold that has completely decreased my appetite and energy. Dayquil, 8-10 hours of sleep, saltine crackers, and lots of tea are ventilating my existence. I've lost six pounds which I'd normally be thrilled about, but I don't think this is a recommended weight loss plan. This …
Walking through the Woods
Today feels very strange. It’s our 3-year wedding anniversary, a day most people celebrate. I married Kyle, not Katie. Although I see Katie in the images from our wedding now, the smiles in the photos, the laughter and the joy, are tainted. Dysphoria spilled coffee on our images together and time has altered them from …
"T" is for Trans 