5-months ago today, I sat on my couch and asked my husband if his shaved face, painted nails, secret depression and hair growth meant something. 6 months ago I was married to a man and now I am married to a woman. Time flies when your marriage is going through a gender-identity crisis.
In other news, I signed Katie up for Stitch Fix and she received her first box last night. I told her she cannot try on the clothes until I’m there, so guess what we’re doing tonight? 5 months and 1 day ago I was drinking wine with friends and married to a man. Today I’m helping my wife try on women’s clothes from the comfort of our home.
I cannot believe this is my life. I reflect on our journey in the past 5 months and am at a loss for what has been accomplished. In so many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We consistently have painful and honest conversations about our individual needs. We compromise and support each other. Our marriage is stronger for this. At the same time, I have never had so many moments with Katie where she felt so far away. Who am I married to? How did we get here? Who am I? How do we do this? I’m jealous of the one collared shirt they sent her because that’s totally something I would wear. How am I in a situation where I would have to paid to where Kyle’s horrible clothes to now I want Katie’s? WHO AM I?
I know tonight is going to be hard for me. I’m excited about it because I know it will be fun to watch her face as she figures out what she likes and doesn’t, as she identifies the clothes that help her see Katie. We will bond over it. I also know it will be laced with reflections of how bizarre this experience is for me. One day at a time, as they say. I mean, what’s a glass of wine for? 🙂