Today, I outed myself and Katie on Facebook. I’m terrified. We both wrote something separately, counted down a timer, and posted our stories at the same time. The result of my post is below:
Dearest Friends and Family – After careful consideration, many conversations, a sprinkle of anxiety (understatement) and even some therapy, Kyle and I have decided it’s time to loop you in on some of the events that have unfolded in our lives over the past 7 months. I want to preface this conversation by saying that we are hyper-aware of how unique this announcement is and how many questions will come forward as a result. That said, here it goes: Kyle is transgender. We both felt it was time for those who know us, the people that we love and respect, our families and friends, to be aware that we are and have been on a complicated, weird, wonderful, and inspiring journey. There are many questions we can answer. There are many questions we still cannot. Of the many questions this path has asked me, there are a few things I do know with all of my heart. These include:
- Kyle is on the correct pathway and I support her (yes, her) 100%
- Kyle is now using female pronouns and prefers the name Katie (I will be saying Katie for the remainder of this post and the rest of my life).
- That said, names are hard when you have known someone a long time and Katie has been very understanding when I mess up, because sometimes I still do. Intent is really what’s important here. J
- Katie has started Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). It’s been almost a month. No real visible changes. J
- Katie is in therapy.
- I am in therapy.
- We are in therapy together.
- We have had a tremendous amount of support from the friends and family who know thus far and I am so grateful for those that have been able to be there for us. This is a difficult pathway for many reasons and I will never have enough words of gratitude for those that have listened to both of us as we attempt to understand the road we are on, the new roadblocks in our lives, and the many difficult questions we both are now exploring about not only our gender identity, but our individual identities in and outside of our marriage.
- We feel we are taking the steps needed to take care of each other, ourselves, and our marriage. That said, I don’t know what our future holds. I just know I’m really glad if I have to experience this, I get to experience it with my best friend, Katie. You see, I understand that a lot of people will question my decision to stay. What I say to those people is this: I didn’t make the decision to marry Kyle lightly. I picked Kyle because he was my best friend, my battle-buddy, my joy, my laughter. We understand each other and love each other and have each other’s best interest at heart. I picked Kyle because I thought he would take me to the moon and back, that we could get through the struggles together. Guess what? That person is still here, still my best friend. And her name is Katie now. And that’s complicated, and that’s okay.
I do want to say that I am so sorry this message couldn’t have been told to everyone in my life in the way it should be: in person. I wish I had the ability to give each of the people I value in our lives the space to ask their question to our faces. Time, money, and distance have made that very difficult which is why we opted for this route. It’s time for Katie to not have to worry about who she runs into while out and about. It’s time for me to not be uncomfortable every time I see an old friend. It’s time for both of us to step into the light.
This is a transition. This is a transition not just for Katie, but for everyone in Katie’s life too. Katie respects that. I respect that. We understand that going from Kyle to Katie feels like an overnight change right now. Katie is going to be doing her best to stay true to who she is and accommodate your transition also. I can attest from personal experience, she has been incredible and patient with me, something I am very grateful for. We are all learning. Your support is appreciated. We know there are questions. We request that you ask them gently and, in return, we will do our very best to educate and learn from you.